please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize