Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
