I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
