so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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