took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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