and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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