Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
