im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
