Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
