It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
