there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
