Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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