My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
