i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
