Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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