This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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