Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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