oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
