Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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