If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
