it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
