You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
