Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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