I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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