I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
