it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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