Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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