just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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