oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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