I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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