this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
be right there i have to get my cape
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
