Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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