My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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