dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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