people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
