i just made my gag reflex go away.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
