I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
