Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
