we have officially lost it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
