I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
only if we run a train.
done.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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