im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize