Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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