What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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