shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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