If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
