It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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