I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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