Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
