Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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