after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
