walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and you said cock pushups were impossible
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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