Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
