Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This house was built for laser tag.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
