My vagina just recognized that song.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
