Where are you?
In a non slutty way
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
