his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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