i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
