He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
