I haven't been this sober since birth.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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