I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
