so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize