Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
