I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
