i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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