Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
