Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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