im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
