I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
