Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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