Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
