its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
