I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize