i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
