Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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