I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
