he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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