how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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