Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My dick has a subreddit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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