So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
