FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
