It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
