If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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