Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize