Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
