flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
