i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
