i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize