so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
