Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
