I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
