I bet he comes in French.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
