i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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