I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
