I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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