I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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