You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
