Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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