Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
